There's Something About Harry
by Flaminia Grisandole
Summary: Hogwarts student body is tired of dealing with a teenage angst ridden Harry Potter, so they find a very interesting way to try to distract him from his brooding.
1. In the beginning There was a distraction

_**Warnings: **A heavy dousing of slash is forecasted for this fic. Please don't __run in the rain or jump in the puddles if you don't like to get wet._

_**A/N: **This is actually the first fic I wrote after I delved into the wonderful world that is fan fiction, although I have already posted two other one-shots. I like to write my stuff out long-land (just as JK does—I could have sent her some of my lined paper and notebooks, I have tons!) and the other two were just faster to type. (This is my way of editing.) Any-who, this is supposed to be my attempt at blatant humour so it is filled with ship and slash clichés, as well as innuendos and use of obvious inconsistencies in the magical world. Oh, yeah, it's pretty AU and has lots of OOCness. But it's all in good fun, anyway! Hope you all enjoy and it brings laughter to you!_

_Oh, yes, reviews would be greatly appreciated! I can take constructive criticism, too, don't be afraid to tell me if something's not working or doesn't make sense. I've had years of creative writing classes, so I can handle a well-made critic. (Note I said Well-Made, not hurtful. No flames.) But a nice comment brightens my dull life also! _

**_Disclaimer:_** _JK rules. I am not worthy. I own nothing but my own strange sense of humour. _

ON TO THE STORY…

**_Ch. 1_ **

_**In the Beginning…There was a Distraction**_

T'was an evening during his fifth year at Hogwarts and all was angsty and mopey with Harry Potter. He wandered the corridor as dusk fell over the castle, glad to be away from the busy Gryffindor common room. Actually, he was just glad to be away from Ron and Hermione.

He had told them he had forgiven them, but really he hadn't. Because he really didn't know what irked him more; that no one told him what the heck was going on for months or that Hermione was frolicking around with Ron half the holiday at Grimmauld Place.

So he snuck off soon after dinner to stomp mopishly through the hallways. _Angst, angst, angst, mopey, angst, mopey angst. _Now he had a stupid marching tune in his head that sounded oddly _Imperial_. That seemed to happen a lot when he was in a foul mood.

Where could he go where he would not be disturbed and maybe find something to distract him from this angry mood? After aimless wandering, Harry soon found himself in the seventh floor corridor next to a tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy teaching trolls ballet. Since it was quiet there, he paced back and forth, thinking about a place to hide out for a while to burn off steam. After his third pass, a door appeared on the opposite wall across from the tapestry. Now that was interesting. Curious, he cautiously opened the door only to find it already occupied to his great disappointment.

"Hello, Potter," a deep voice drawled from a comfy chair by a crackling fire. An overstuffed couch sat opposite the chair, and the room was dimly lit by a few candles and the fire in the hearth.

"Malfoy," Harry replied through gritted teeth, too irked to notice that the blond did not seem surprised that Harry had entered the room. Instead, Malfoy flipped his chin-length hair, (oddly not slicked back), out of his ice-blue eyes and stood up.

Harry tried his best to glare angrily at the Slytherin, his arms crossed in front of his chest. Staring evenly at Harry, Malfoy ran his tongue over his teeth as he decided what to say next. Harry felt a slight burning in his stomach that he attributed to his anger.

"Trying to find a distraction, are we?" Malfoy smirked, his voice low and throaty.

"How did you…Wait," Harry's eyes darted around the room suspiciously. "This is a trap, isn't it?" He strained to look around the room to find Crabbe or Goyle lurking in the shadows.

"A trap? Well, if that's how you would like to think of it," Malfoy tucked a stray blond strand behind his ear and took a step forward. His voice dropped to a low whisper when he added, "But I hope in the end that you would _come_ most willingly."

Harry opened his mouth a few times looking strangely like a fish out of its bowl. He felt something stirring in his lower regions that he could not consciously explain and finally sputtered the only thing that came to his mind.

"Go bugger yourself, Malfoy!" and turned around to storm out of the room.

"Actually, I'd much rather do that to you," Malfoy called after him.

Harry stopped for a moment with his hand on the doorknob. A response began to form in his mind but he quickly shook it away and continued out the door. He had not gotten the door open more than halfway before a hand slammed it shut. Warm breath tickled the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine. Slowly he turned to find Malfoy's face centimeters away from his own.

"Harry," Malfoy said, huskily, before crushing his lips down upon Harry's.

After a few prods of Malfoy's tongue, Harry finally allowed him entry and began to relax and return the kiss. The blonde's hands began to creep up Harry's shirt, startling Harry back to reality. After a short struggle, he was able to pull his face away, but his body was still pinned to the door by the other boy's.

"Malfoy," Harry gasped, " I thought we were supposed to hate each other?"

"What's a little shagging amongst enemies?" Malfoy whispered as he nuzzled Harry's neck.

"But…" Malfoy wanted nothing to do with the raven-haired boy's rambling and quickly cut him off with another intense snogging session. He started to unbutton Harry's shirt and was halfway down when Harry managed to pull away again.

"Malfoy…"

Sighing heavily and rolling his eyes, the blond asked, "What now?"

"We can't be doing this. It's…It's not right," Harry stammered.

"Why not?" Malfoy pressed a leg between Harry's. "I can tell you are enjoying yourself…" He grabbed the top of Harry's trousers.

"But…Technically we are a children's story…won't the author be upset at her characters acting this way in her book?"

Malfoy chuckled. "Oh, Harry, I knew there was something about you that made me act so Out Of Character." Again he descended his mouth upon Harry, this time attaching it to his neck and then moved to nibble his earlobe. "So angry at times, yet still so innocent." He continued his assault on the dark hair boy's neck and ear. "This isn't the same story, my tasty protagonist. This is fan fiction."

"Fan fiction?" Harry croaked breathlessly, very aware that his entire body felt like it was on fire despite the chills tingling through his veins at each nibble Malfoy gave his neck or earlobe.

"Yes, Harry." Finally the last of the buttons on Harry's shirt were undone and Malfoy's mouth began to move southwards from Harry's neck to his bare, milky chest.

"I…Oh…Well…I'm not…"

Malfoy straightened up and pinched Harry's lips together between his left index finger and thumb. "Shush now, Harry, " he said sternly with a slightly seductive sort of sneer as his deftly unsnapped Harry's trousers with his right index finger and thumb, "and let me give you what you've got coming to you."

DMDMDMDM

In the Gryffindor common room a girl with brown bushy hair and a frustrated wrinkle in her forehead was trying to study but was finding it difficult to concentrate as a lanky red-headed boy paced and ranted in front of her.

"I don't understand it, Hermione! It just started recently. But I don't understand why I feel this way! I mean, before, when I used to get these feelings around you, I would just act like a stupid git and take care of it in the bathroom or something…"

"Ron! That is just…well…kind of gross yet flattering at the same time…" Hermione admitted, her face tinged with a bit of pink.

"But now I have these totally new and different sort of urges—I can't even be in the same room with him anymore…"

"That reminds me, should we be concerned about where he is at this time of night?"

Ron ignored her question and continued on his rant. "There's something about Harry that makes me want to lose all self-control! Every time he opens his mouth to start blithering on about something, I want to command him to shut it and wrap those pouty pink lips around my…"

"RONALD!" Hermione jumped, dropping her charms book on the floor.

"See! This is why I need your help, Hermione! Please can't you find out what's wrong with me?" Ron finally ended his pacing and flopped down in the pouffy chair across from his friend.

Sighing, Hermione reached down in her bag and pulled out a flat, square, silver object with a design of a bitten apple embossed on the top. She pushed a button on the side and seemed to pull it apart in half. A bright light came from the top half and the bottom half was filled with little black buttons with letters and numbers on them.

Ron was torn between flinching back against his chair and leaning forward to get a closer look. He settled on just staring at it with wide eyes and exclaimed,

"What the bloody hell is that?"

Hermione began racing her fingers across the little buttons, her eyes transfixed on the glowing screen. "It's a laptop…computer," she answered.

"A com—what?"

"It's a computer—a Muggle thing that is used for research and writing papers and things. I'm searching the Net to see if I can find out what's happening to you."

"A Muggle electronic thing? But I thought you said you couldn't use these types of things in Hogwarts…" Ron leaned forward to take a closer look, a natural sense of curiosity coming forth from his father's genes.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "So now you finally remember something when I tell you? Something then is surely wrong with you then."

"I told you. I felt…different. But how are you getting this comp-thingy to work here?"

"Ron, do you really think someone as intelligent as me who has just about read every book in the library—some more than once—couldn't find a few loopholes?"

Ron thought about this for a moment and then nodded in agreement. He reached out to touch the keyboard only to have Hermione slap his hand away. Leaning back, he glared at her until his mind drifted to naughty daydreams.

"Here! I found it!" Hermione exclaimed, startling Ron out of his reverie. "Hhmmm…This is all very interesting. Looks like you might have a case of the F's."

"What the bloody hell is that?" the redhead exclaimed for the second time.

"I think it stands for Fan Fiction Fun or maybe it's Fan Fiction Fantasy…" Hermione clicked a few more buttons, not tearing her eyes from the screen.

Ron looked at her absolutely horrified. "Fan fiction?" he repeated in a small voice.

"It's when obsessed fans post stories for other fans to read for fun. Here, let me find an example…" There was more clicking.

"But is there a cure?"

"Um…I don't…here's one…Merlin! That's disgusting!"

"What?" Ron leaned forward again to peer at the screen but Hermione quickly clicked to another before he could see anything.

"I…I'll just find another," she said, shaking her head to rid herself of the images the words she read were producing. After a few more searches through some stories that made her eyes widen in terror and a few more she made a mental note to go back to read later, Hermione finally found one more appropriate to Ron's situation.

"Hhhmmm…It looks like you might just have to ride it out to the end," she said, her eyes rapidly scanning down the screen.

"But when will that be?" Ron whined. "I can't keep avoiding him all the time you know…"

"Well, it looks like most of these end when you shag him."

"Hermione!"

"Well, there's another way, too. You have to just tell him how you feel about him." She didn't add that afterwards it usually still ended in shagging. He could just figure that out on his own—and Hermione would be better off not knowing, anyway.

"But…But I can't do that! Harry'll think I'm gay or something!" Ron jumped out of his chair. Hermione gave him an imploring look. "Oh." He calmed a bit. "Well, how do I know this will be a happy ending and not a bad one where Harry hates me or shames me in front of the whole school?"

"You'll just have to take that chance, I guess," Hermione shrugged.

"But…Wait, why don't you find out for me?"

"Me? How is that going to make it better?"

"You can sort of, you know, test the waters for me. See how he would react to finding out his male best mate wants a piece of his arse…"

"Ron!" Hermione chastised, but the redhead just cocked his head. "Okay, okay! But how am I supposed to bring it up without scaring him off?"

"You're smart, you'll figure something out," Ron put his hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks a lot," Hermione mumbled.

"Please, Hermione?" Ron knelt down and clasped his hands together, a pleading look in his bright, blue eyes. "Please help me?"

Hermione threw her head back and let out a noise between a laugh and a sigh. "Fine, I'll figure something out."

Ron gave her a wide smile. "Thank you! Now let me see what's all the fuss about this fan fiction."

"Ah, as I read on, I am thinking maybe it's best for you not see…" Hermione frowned slightly and made to close the computer but Ron stopped her and began reading the words on the screen.

"'_Ron turned just as Harry entered the room wearing only a small blue towel wrapped loosely around his waist. Water drops glistened in his raven hair and fell on his tight, smooth chest, running wet lines straight down to his…_'" Ron's voice trailed off, but his eyes moved rapidly across the screen as he read on. "OH! Is this where I print?" He pressed the "P" key and the computer began to spit paper out from the side.

"Oh my gosh! How did you know how to do that? And without a printer…" Hermione stared at the pages being printed directly from her laptop.

Ron gathered the papers eagerly. "Don't know. I just wanted some bedtime reading." The last page was just barely in his hand before Ron started off towards the boys' dorm. "G'night, Hermione!"

"But it's only nine o'clock!" Hermione called after him. "And when did you become interested in reading for pleasure?"

"When it actually makes me feel pleasured!" Ron called over his shoulder as he took the stairs two at time. Hermione clucked her tongue, shook her head and then began to back track in her history to read those stories she had passed by that had interested her. Sadly, she wondered why Ron couldn't have been in caught a fan fiction revolving around a different and more canon sort of ship.

_**More to follow…**_


	2. Awkard Situation Times Three

_**Ch. 2**_

_**Awkard Situation—Times Three**_

A few hours later, Draco Malfoy turned Harry out from the Room, leaving the raven-haired boy to wander confused, yet delightfully sated back to the Gryffindor common room. Harry found himself trying to untangle and unearth all sorts feelings and thoughts he didn't even realize he had been suppressing.

A deep, scratchy, greasy voice came from the darkness of the corridor causing Harry to jump back, stumbling over his own feet.

"Potter."

Regaining his balance, Harry looked up to see Snape peering down his long, hooked nose at him with a strange look that made his usually dark black eyes seem brighter.

"It's not safe to be wandering the hallways alone—especially someone of your," Snape licked his lips as they curled into a predatory-like grin, "stature."

"Stop!" A shrill voice yelled out near them. Snape and Harry both looked around startled. A young woman in a portrait on the wall next to Snape was shaking her head vigorously.

"That is just not right! It is _so_ wrong!" the women stared menacingly at Snape.

"But…" Snape stammered.

"No! That is absolutely, positively disgusting. We will not be going _there_."

"But…" Snape tried again.

"I said No Way. I will not allow any _Snarry _in my castle."

Snape arched his eyebrow and put on his best come-hither look, which made the woman in the portrait grimace. "But some find me," he tossed his greasy hair and let a sly smile play on his lips, "enticing."

"Ugh! That is because they made a movie and cast your character to a surprising attractive sixty year old man, you git. If you read the book, you know you are not even remotely portrayed as attractive. Let's see here…" she picked up a book from the table she was sitting next to in the portrait and cleared her throat before reading straight from a page. "And I quote, '…_a teacher with greasy black hair, a hook nose, and sallow skin_.' Then…" she paused as she flipped through a few pages before finding what she was looking for. "Ah, and here. '_His eyes were black like Hagrid's, but they had none of Hagrid's warmth. They were cold and empty and made you think of dark tunnels_.' You see?" she looked pointedly at the Potions master and slammed the book shut in a manner that reminded Harry quite a bit of Hermione.

"Okay, okay. You proved your point," Snape grumbled and then added under his breath, "Cow." Sighing quite loudly and dramatically, he forced his expression to change to the dark and hateful one he usually gave Harry. Turning back to the boy he gave his best greasy sneer and growled, "Off to your common room, Potter. Or else it will be detention…" Snape paused a moment as naughty and nasty thoughts clouded his mind.

"Severus!" the woman warned.

"Argh! Get out of my sight, Potter!" Snape pointed Harry away from him before turning and sweeping off down the hall.

"Go on now. Before he comes back…" the woman said to Harry, urgently.

Without a word Harry hurried very quickly back to the common room, slowly coming to the conclusion that he was going completely mental. As he stepped through the portrait hole, he hoped he could just sneak up into bed to be alone with the thoughts bouncing around in his head.

Avoiding even a glance into the quiet room, Harry took quick strides towards the stairs leading to the boys' dorms. He hadn't even gotten one leg up to begin to climb the stairs when a hand touched his shoulder and a sweet voice said,

"Hello Harry. Can we talk?"

Harry turned to face Ginny Weasley. "Oh. Hi, Ginny. Actually I'm a bit tired. Do you think it can wait until tomorrow?"

"Harry, I really want you to know how much I like you…" Batting her eyes and pursing her lips, she took a step closer and ran a finger slowly down his arm.

"Er, well, under normal canon circumstances this would be great—but recent, erm, events have lead me to realize I want other, uh, things…"

"Come off it, Harry!" Ginny grasped his robes and pulled him down for a short, sweet kiss. She pulled back quickly, sputtering and wiping her mouth.

"Ugh! Rich, pureblood…and Slytherin! Gross!" she gagged and pulled faces.

"I'm sorry, Ginny," Harry said as sincerely as he could.

Ginny tossed her head and frowned at him before turning on her heel. Harry began his ascent up the stairs when he heard Ginny call after him,

"I knew there was something about you, Harry, but really—_him_? Ugh!"

Harry turned to respond but she had already disappeared up to the girls' dorm. Shaking his head he climbed the stairs sluggishly.

Thankfully all the boys were asleep, or at least pretending to be. The curtains on Ron's bed were drawn, as they had been since the new term started. Harry gazed at the closed curtains as he changed into his nightclothes and felt something fluttering and stirring about inside his chest and stomach, but dismissed it as the remaining sting from his encounter with Malfoy. He shook his head and climbed into bed. As he reached over to draw his own curtains, (Ron wasn't the only who could play that game), he spied some strange looking parchment poking out from under Ron's bed. Leaning forward for a closer look, Harry saw that it wasn't so strange to him because it was bright white copy paper, although it did look a bit crumpled and soiled.

"Where the hell did Ron get access to a computer?" Harry mumbled to himself as he pulled the rope to let the curtains down.

He meant to ponder it a little longer, but his mind produced a sudden memory of Malfoy and it distracted him back to other types of thoughts that put him to sleep with a slight smile on his face.

SSGWSSGWSSGWSSGW

Harry woke up in the best mood he had been in since the end of last term. He was looking forward to seeing Ron that morning and spending time with him at breakfast. Poking his head out of the bed draperies, he looked over at his mate's bed with a large smile. The smile quickly turned into a defeated frown when his eyes fell upon Ron's empty bed.

Sighing, Harry trudged himself out of bed and got dressed with the small hope that Ron would be waiting in the common room for him. When he reached the end of the stairs a cheery voice greeted him.

"Good morning, Harry!"

"Oh. 'Morning, Hermione," Harry said, looking around anxiously. "Where's Ron?"

"Oh, um, he had to do some studying this morning. He'll see you at practice," Hermione avoided his eyes.

"Studying? Ron?" Harry snorted and raised an eyebrow. Realizing that the action was threatening memories of the night before to creep in his mind, he quickly blinked it away.

"Yeah, well, I bugged him enough. He had to finish Snape's essay or he'd be toast." Hermione bit her lip too busy trying to collect her thoughts to notice Harry's involuntary shudder at the Professor's name. "Um, speaking of toast—I'm starving! Let's go eat!" She took his arm and steered him down to the Great Hall.

They walked in silence, although Hermione kept opening her mouth like she was about to ask Harry something but then quickly changed her mind. After a few times of this, Harry rolled his eyes and asked,

"What's on your mind, Hermione?"

Hermione jolted beside him, looking like an animal caught in the high beams of an eighteen-wheeler. "Oh, erm…"

"Hiya, Harry!" Colin Creevey bounded over to them flashing Harry a big smile. Harry was more than grateful that he didn't flash the large camera that hung around his neck at him.

"Hi, Colin," Hermione replied, smiling at the boy, obviously relieved to have a distraction from Harry's questioning.

"Hey, Hermione," Colin said, turning to her, but still glancing sideways at Harry with adoring eyes. "Ginny really needs to talk to you. Can you meet her for breakfast?"

"Oh, uh, sure, Colin. Thanks. Sorry, Harry. I'll see you later." She looked anything but sorry—in fact it looked like she couldn't wait to get away fast enough.

"It's okay, I'll keep you company, Harry," Colin said cheerily, following the older boy to the table.

"Brilliant," Harry muttered, glancing back to see Hermione and Ginny together at the far end of the table with their heads pressed together. A quick glance up and down the table revealed that Ron was not present either. Sighing, he sat down and began to pile sausages, bacon and toast on his plate. Colin slid in close next to him.

They sat in silence for a while and Harry became aware that Colin was sitting so close to him that their knees kept knocking. Trying to be discreet, Harry shifted in his seat to move a bit away, only to have Colin do the same so they were touching again.

Harry chewed on a piece of bacon trying to assess the situation and what to do about it without seeming too rude. Given the last night's events, Harry briefly thought maybe it was all just his imagination running wild.

"Harry," Colin suddenly said in a soft whisper, just loud enough for Harry to hear. "I was wondering if you could help me with a project I'm working on."

For a moment Harry just gaped at Colin who was staring adoringly at him as he fingered the camera around his neck. "Wh…What?" Harry finally stammered, having a very abrupt urge to jump up and run out of the hall.

"See, I need a figure—a model if you will," Colin batted his lashes almost as skillfully as Ginny had the night before and scooted even closer to Harry, the younger boy's leg practically on top of his. "To pose for some pictures."

"Pose for pictures?" Harry was aware that his voice had gone up an octave and his face and neck were beginning to get warm; but he was too stunned by the strange look in Colin's eyes to back away.

"Yes, Harry," Colin's voice was low and husky. "Nude poses." He licked his lips and grinned at Harry with his clown-like mouth that suddenly reminded Harry of the Joker in the Batman comics he used to sneak from Dudley's room.

"What?" the raven-haired boy hissed, wondering why his body was sending off _those _kinds of signals, opposite of what his mind was screaming at him, and quickly urged them away.

"Of course," Colin slid his hand up Harry's thigh, "If it will make you more comfortable, I can be nude, too." He squeezed the thigh teasingly.

Harry moved so hastily, he fell off the bench while trying to stand up. He scooted backwards on the floor when Colin held out his hand to help him up.

"Er, no…Are you…What…No—No!" Harry shook his head as he struggled to get up.

"But Harry, I thought…" Colin's Joker-like grin faded slowly.

"I…I'm sorry, Colin, but…" Harry finally got to his feet. "I've got to go…Quidditch, yeah, I have Quidditch…" Harry began to edge away as Colin made to stand up. "Oh, Merlin!" Harry turned and fled out of the hall.

"But it's art!" Colin called after the messy black hair blurring past students as they entered and exited the hall. Shaking his head, Colin turned to sit back down only to run into a tall blond boy in green robes and a sneer on his face.

"Better luck next time," Malfoy drawled and walked away, leaving the younger boy to glower hatefully after him.

**_More to follow… _**

**_Please feed my need and review! Thanks to all my readers_**.


	3. Double Your Pleasure and a New SPEW

_**A/N: **I just want to thank all those who have read. I know a lot of people don't like to review until they've read the whole story, but I would love to know if I seem to be doing okay and keeping everyone's attention and of course, making you all laugh! Anyway, I plan on five chapters and a very special Epilogue that you cannot miss._

_Here's chappie number three. Gee, I wonder what this chapter could be about…_

_**Double Your Pleasure and a New SPEW**_

Hurriedly Harry changed into his Quidditch gear and took flight as soon as he could. Thankfully, once he was up in the air, his strange encounter with Colin was pushed to the back of his mind.

After a few loops and dives on his Firebolt, Harry caught sight of Ron practicing at the far end of the pitch. A large smile broke across his face and he enthusiastically waved over at his best mate. It seemed that Ron was too intent in his practicing to notice. For the second time that day, Harry's smile fell and instead of going over to chat with his friend, Harry left Ron to his drills.

Slowly the other team members swept up to the field and team drills began. After a while they divided to play a scrimmage game, leaving Harry to watch the other players from some distance above while he kept an eye out for the snitch.

He found himself several times distractingly watching Ron block the goals. A swelling pride would fill his chest whenever the redhead would make a good save and he felt a strange sympathy (instead of shame) whenever Ron let a goal through.

Harry had temporarily forgotten about his search for the snitch as he continued to gaze over at the redhead. He watched as Ron's arms stretched out to deflect the Quaffle, noticing how long and strong his best mate's hands and fingers were. Harry couldn't help but grin as he thought about how much his friend had grown since that first day they met on the train.

"Harry! Watch out!" A bat swung a hair's length from his face beating away a Bludger. Startled, Harry reared back and saw Fred Weasley hovering next to him watching the impact of the hit.

"You gotta get your head back in the game," George Weasley said, gliding past them.

"Oh, er…" Harry shook his head to clear it. "Thanks."

"No problem!" the twins said simultaneously before sweeping off after the Bludger. Harry watched as their identical red hair swept back in the wind as they sped away. He couldn't help but notice how they gripped their bats tightly in the right hands, calling out taunts to their fellow teammates. As he stared after them, a glint of something golden caught his eye and he took off after it. Now all his attention was directed to something other than his redheaded teammates.

Concentrating fully, he dipped, swayed and raced after the snitch. The rush of the wind swept through his hair and echoed in his ears. Leaning forward he coaxed the Firebolt to move faster as he extended his hand towards the golden ball dodging teasingly just from his grasp. With one extra push, his hand wrapped around the buzzing ball, the wings fluttering manically in his palm. Harry did a sharp turn, waving his hand through the air as he came back down towards his teammates. Angela Johnson, the captain for that year since Oliver Wood had graduated, called practice soon after.

In the locker room, Ron hardly glanced his Harry's way as he hurriedly took his bundle of clothes and went to the showers. Harry stepped into the shower area only a short while later, but Ron had already gone. He hadn't even seen the redhead leave. With a mixture of confusion, disappointment and anger pooling in the pit of his stomach, Harry showered and dressed with deliberate slowness.

Fred and George were arguing while they hurried back to the locker room.

"I told you we should have just got him in the shower…" George grumbled.

"Well, if you weren't the stupid git that forgot the potion…" Fred accused.

"I'm telling you, we might not need it."

"No matter, it'll make it better for him…Remember, it's supposed to be all about him…sort of…" Fred got a dreamy expression on his face as he entered the locker room.

"I just hope we didn't miss him…There's just something about Harry that makes me want to…" George was cut off as Fred elbowed him in the ribs as they came into sight of the raven-haired Gryffindor. They stopped and watched as Harry slid his robes over his shoulders gracefully for a moment before approaching him.

"Hi Harry!" the twins greeted as they drew in to sandwich him between them.

"Oh, hi," Harry couldn't help but return their contagious grins.

"We want you…" George began.

Fred let a slight pause linger before adding, "To help us with something."

Harry looked from one twin to the other, noting how their freckles danced across their nose and cheeks. As George brushed his deep red hair out of his eyes, Harry was struck by how much they resembled Ron.

"What did you need?" he asked.

"You…" George licked his bottom lip.

"To test a new potion we've been working on," Fred hurriedly finished, glaring at his brother.

"Me? I thought you tested things only on yourselves." Harry looked at them quizzically.

"It's sort of a third party-type potion," Fred explained, slapping at George's hand as it reached up to touch Harry's hair.

"What about Ron?" Harry knew what sort of things the Weasley twins concocted in their room at the Burrow and was more than a little skeptical.

"That would be wrong," Fred said.

"Yes, incestuous," George agreed.

"Totally against the rules of fan fiction."

"At least on some sites," George muttered under his breath.

Harry blinked in slight confusion yet recognition and was about to ask about it when Fred continued.

"See, we came up with this potion specifically for you, Harry."

"For me?"

"Oh, yes!" The twins nodded eagerly at him.

"It's made to enhance certain, erm…well…" Fred bit his lip, trying to think of a way to explain it.

"Sensations." George finished.

"Yes, sensations." Fred looked at his brother gratefully.

"What do you mean? What sort of sensations? Like will I hear and see better?"

"Uh, no, more like…well…"

"See, Harry," George drew his arm around the raven-haired boy and gazed into his brilliant green eyes. "This potion should help bring out certain _feelings _you may have hidden, no matter how deep in your subconscious they lie. But somewhere, you have to have these _feelings_, or else it won't work. It won't make you do anything you don't already want to do on some level. So, there's a possibility it may not have any affect on you at all."

Fred finally caught on and wrapped his arm around Harry's other side. "It will be nothing but good."

Harry raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"See, it's a feel-good potion. Not a prank," George insisted.

"I don't know…" Harry said unsurely.

"Please, Harry?" the twins whispered softly, one in each of his ears, their breath hot against his neck. Slowly a familiar burning sensation began deep within his stomach.

"Okay."

Fred produced a vial of purplish-looking liquid and held it out for George to uncap so neither twin had to release Harry from their hold. Harry eyed the potion with an odd mix of excitement and dread. Instead of handing the vial to Harry, Fred brought it up to his lips for him to drink. Again Harry glanced at each twin in turn before allowing Fred to tip it to his lips for a sip.

Harry pulled a face at the bitter taste, but it wasn't as bad as some other potions he's had in the past. Fred and George looked at him expectantly.

"Um," Harry smacked his lips, "I'm no sure it's working…" Suddenly, he became very aware how close the twins were to him. A warmth was spreading throughout his entire body and his fingertips and toes began to tingle. His knees grew a bit weak and he leaned back into the twins' arms for support.

"Hot now, Harry?" George breathed in his ear in a low voice. Harry nodded and the two redheads helped him remove the robe he had just moments ago put on.

Fred leaned forward to lay the robe on the bench near the lockers and Harry caught an aroma from his hair that reminded him of lemon drops. Then George bent his head down to undo Harry's tie and a button or two of his shirt and Harry realized his hair smelled sweet like honey. Harry let out a little giggle.

"How perfect that you both smell like lollies-yet George," he touched George's nose playfully, "is more sweet, and Fred," he turned and did the same to the other twin, "is more sour."

Fred and George looked over Harry's head in surprise.

"You know the difference between us?" Fred asked.

"Yep." Harry grinned looking at each of them in turn, wondering if they each had a different taste, too. "Do I win a prize?" He hardly realized he was flirting.

"MMmmm..Maybe…" George was ready to swoop down onto Harry's mouth but Fred put out a hand to stop him. George glared daggers at his twin as Fred said to Harry,

"But first, how 'bout another drink of potion?"

Harry shrugged and welcomed another sip from the vial in Fred's hand. This time the bitter taste was gone and was more grape-flavored, reminding Harry of a Muggle cold medicine Aunt Petunia used to give him to make him calm down and go to sleep at night when he was young. _(a/n—come on, your mom never gave you Dimetapp to put you to sleep, even when you weren't really sick? My mom used to do it to my baby sister all the time.)_

Again the twins watched with anticipation. This time Harry's knees did give out and he began to slide down the lockers to the floor. Instead of holding him up, Fred and George slid down along side of him. Harry put a hand on each of their thighs as they curled around him.

"How do you feel now?" George asked quietly, nuzzling Harry's neck.

Harry just smiled and sighed. George put his hand up to the younger boy's cheek and turned his head towards him. The redhead's lips slowly came down upon Harry's. After a few moments of a slow chaste kiss, George's tongue snuck out and teased Harry's lips, asking for entrance.

Pulsating jolts ran through Harry's nerves and straight to his groin as he eagerly returned the kiss, enjoying the feel of his tongue sliding against George's. He did taste sweet like candy.

Fred watched for a minute or two before taking Harry's chin in his hand and pulling him gently away from George. "My turn," he whispered before taking Harry's lips in his own. Instantly Harry responded welcomingly to the kiss. George had begun to discreetly unbutton the rest of Harry's shirt.

Fred pulled away from a disappointed Harry who automatically turned to George for another kiss. This time George actually stopped Harry.

"One more sip. Then it's all finished," he said.

Fred brought the vial up and again Harry took it. Quickly Fred shoved the empty vial in his robes before turning back to watch Harry's reaction.

Harry's body was humming and he was completely aware of his aroused state. His clothes felt restricting and found himself begging to have them removed. Fred and George complied easily with this request, yet they did it with deliberate slowness. George finished unbuttoning Harry's shirt, but they didn't slide it off his arms right away. Instead, Harry felt hot, wet lips on each side of his neck and two hands sliding up the back of his shirt while two more hands began to stroke his chest. Harry's eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a loud moan as the button on his trousers was finally snapped open.

Harry's skin continued to burn as he was touched, kissed, and licked by two sets of lips and hands.

"So," he gasped, "are you both identical _everywhere_?"

Fred grinned against his ear and growled, "Maybe…Are you sure you can handle both of us?"

"Of course. I have two hands…"

FWGWFWGWFWGWFWGW

In the corner of the common room, Hermione and Ginny sat at a table huddled together quietly conspiring. A shoebox sat on the table overflowing with pins and next to the box was a stack of computer paper print-outs.

Ron flew into the room and over to them, hovering agitatedly.

"Hermione," he hissed impatiently when the two girls didn't stop their conversing and acknowledge him. "Have you been able to help me with Ha…I mean with my problem?"

Hermione rolled her eyes at Ginny before they both looked up at Ron with a frown.

"No, actually, I haven't. Why don't you just be a man about it and take care of it yourself?" Hermione sighed.

"But Hermione! I told you why! I don't think he would…"

"How do you know he won't?" Hermione asked.

"I don't, I guess…But what if it ruins everything? That's why I need you to help me!" Ron began to pace around the table.

Ginny watched this exchange with interest and began toying with one of the buttons from the box. Hermione sighed in defeat.

"Okay, give me a few days to work on it, Ron."

"A few days! I'm totally going to burst! Do you know how hard I was, I mean, it was to be at practice watching Ha…him flying around with that broomstick between his legs?" Ron licked his lips and let out a short whimper.

"I can only imagine," Ginny grumbled. Hermione shot her a warning look before putting an arm out to calm Ron down. She guided him to the last empty seat at their table. "I will help you. Just be patient, or else do it yourself."

Ron opened his mouth to spout off again, but closed it abruptly as he caught his friend's stern look. There was a long pause as Ron scanned the table, looking for distractions. He noticed the pin Ginny was still flipping around in his fingers. His eyes widened as he groaned.

"Ah, no. Not more SPEW stuff! And now you've got my little sister in on it too!" He shook his head at Hermione.

"Actually, it was her idea to start it up again…" Hermione began.

"But you know the elves_ like_ work, don't you? I mean that's what they do…"

Ginny cut him off. "It isn't about the elves. This time it's about us."

Ron looked at the two girls quizzically for a long moment. "What do you mean, about us?"

"Not about us," Ginny said, waving a hand around the table, "But about_ us_," she pointed at her and Hermione.

"Yes. Ginny and I decided…" Hermione nodded towards her friend with a sly smile.

"That since all you guys seem bent on running around shagging _each other_, or at least one _certain_ bloke, that it wasn't fair to us girls."

"What do you…" Ron scratched his nose awkwardly.

"We have a good feeling many other girls at Hogwarts will agree and want to join the new SPEW—Society of Penis Envious Women," Hermione stated smugly.

"Wait a minute, I'm sure not all the blokes are…" Ron trailed off as he followed his sister's gaze towards the portrait hole. His twin brothers sauntered in, their heads together as they whispered animatedly. After a moment, Ron was about to turn to resume his conversation with Ginny, when he took note of their appearance. Not only were their clothes very rumpled but it looked like George's robes were actually on inside out. Their hair was mussed and they seemed to have a glow about them. When they walked past, Ron caught something in the air and whipped about in his seat, looking for Harry, read to bolt, but found his best mate was nowhere to be found in the common room.

Ron turned back to scrutinize his brothers' appearance once again as they sank into cushy armchairs by the fire. He was so intently contemplating their appearance that Ginny's loud, angry voice made him jump a bit in his seat.

"Just where have you two been?"

George totally ignored her anger and smiled at them all dreamily. He opened his mouth to speak, but Fred quickly cut in with,

"It's none of your business, 'lil sis."

"What have you been doing?" Ginny demanded, reminding Ron of how his mother looked when she caught them in the act of trouble.

Again Fred hurried to speak over George, who was still grinning like a prat, a far away look in his eyes.

"That's also none of your…"

"Have you seen Harry? He hasn't come back from practice yet and I was wondering if you might have seen him at the pitch…" Hermione asked suddenly.

Fred seemed to loose some of his composure and glanced guiltily at George who was ready to rejoice to the world with his news.

"You just couldn't leave him alone, could you!" Ginny began to get up, but Hermione grabbed her arm and pulled her back down in her seat. She darted her eyes at Ron who sat watching the strange exchange, scratching his head in confusion. Ginny glared at Hermione for a moment and then huffed silently to herself.

Meanwhile, as this exchange was going on, the boys and some of the girls in the common room were edging closer and closer to where the twins were seated. Soon the twins were surrounded by several Gryffindors who had thoughtful, yet silly grins on their faces. Dean Thomas took a deep breath in, as if filling his nose with a wondrous aroma.

"Merlin. You both smell like Har…" Dean was stopped as a button hit the side of his head. Hermione picked up another button just in case someone else decided to open their big mouth.

"This is unbelievable! I'm leaving!" Ginny got up and stomped towards the portrait hole. As she was about to push through, it swung open as someone else came in.

Harry stopped in his tracks when he saw Ginny, but he seemed a little dazed and was swaying a bit. His hair was even messier then usual and his robes were unclasped and falling off one shoulder. Ginny leaned forward and sniffed, narrowing her eyes. She scoffed and shot a deadly look over at her twin brothers.

"Gits! I think I'm going to be sick!" she screeched before pushing past Harry and flinging herself out of the portrait hole.

Harry turned and looked into the room, suddenly very aware several pairs of eyes were staring at him. Ron turned a shade of pink and jumped up muttering about needing to go to the library. As the redhead swept past him, Harry wanted to reach out to stop him, but found himself too tired and too unbalanced to raise his arm. As the portrait swung closed, Harry still found himself at the center of the room's attention.

"I'm going to take a nap," he announced before dragging himself up the stairs to the dorm.

Dean, along with Seamus Finnigan and Neville Longbottom, began to get up but Hermione pointed her wand at the three shouting, "Stay!" and they eased back down in their seats. Hermione then turned and glared at the twins.

"You two! Showers!"

With frightened eyes, Fred and George shared a short look before nodding to each other. They stood up simultaneously and headed off for the showers. Hermione went and opened a window to let a breeze in.

On the way back to the table, her eye caught an empty vial laying in the crook of the chair Fred had been sitting in. She reached down, picked it up and then held it up to her eye, examining the remnants of the purple liquid making a ring at the bottom of the vial. Biting her lip she whispered,

"Oh, Merlin. What have they done?"

**_More to follow…_**

_Hoped you liked it! Please show your appreciation by reviewing. Thanks! _


	4. Hogwarts, A Hornstory

_**Ch. 4**_

_**Hogwarts, A Hornstory**_

By the morning the situation had gotten worse. Although Hermione was glad when almost all the female students fourth year and up joined the new SPEW, she soon realized that they were totally overlooking the main purpose of the support group.

Many girls had cut or charmed their hair in new boyish styles. Others were wearing their hair up in caps. Most of them wore baggy trousers and shirts to hide their curvaceous figures. And at breakfast that morning Hermione noticed that many girls were rough-housing, spitting and talking loudly about Quidditch teams and stats to each other.

Of course, it wasn't just the girls acting strangely. Hermione took note of how when Harry came down for breakfast an excited whisper rushed through the hall. Harry didn't even make it to the table before he was surrounded by boys and girls alike, all with a lusty, hungry look in their eyes. Hermione had to brandish her wand wildly, threatening to hex anyone who wouldn't let Harry eat his breakfast in peace.

Harry also noticed the strange behavior of his classmates. And although Hermione had tried, the threatening began to not be as affective as the day progressed. He just could not get away from it all.

In the beginning of History of Magic class, Lavendar Brown came over and whispered rather insistently that she would be very willing to take it like a man if that was what Harry liked. Stunned, Harry was able to do nothing more than stare after her, his mouth agape as Hermione gagged beside him.

After class, Neville nervously asked if he could carry Harry's books to Double Potions for him. Harry was just able to sputter out that he could manage himself, thanks, but not before Hermione nudged him hard in the ribs.

When Harry walked into the Potions classroom, Malfoy got a lustful glint in his eye like he would like nothing more than to pin Harry down on the table and ravish him. He made to get up and do just that, but found he couldn't move from his seat. The other Slytherins stared just as hungrily, but they too found themselves locked in their seats. Hermione smiled smugly at them as she sat down, patting her wand in her pocket. They weren't released until after Harry and Hermione were far enough ahead after class.

At lunchtime, Harry was more than aware that Colin was sitting at the other end of the Gryffindor table eyeing him and stroking the camera around his neck seductively. The Patil twins were not hiding the fact they were trying to very much like Fred and George by sharing rude jokes and putting pepper in Neville's tea. Dean not-so-subtly placed a Muggle mix tape on Harry's plate when Harry had turned to re-fill his goblet. (_a/n—boy, I might be showing my age with this one…I'm not even sure people do that anymore…_)

Hermione tried her best to keep up the wards around Harry so he could eat in some sort of peace, but it didn't stop the looks, the comments and the offers. But at least she could stop the touching, grabbing and groping.

Because he was being accosted so, Hermione had no chance to talk to him. She had the idea that maybe the solution to Ron's problem was the same for Harry's, but every time she opened her mouth to try to suggest it to him, she saw a frightful look in his eyes that made her unsure how to explain her idea without scaring him more.

Somehow they made it through lunch and they eased their way towards the door. It was then Hermione realized that she and Harry had to go to separate classes. Doing the only thing she could think feasible, she quickly placed a simple ward on him before smiling and whispering a "Sorry," to him. As she rushed off to class she was only half satisfied with her work, because although she was confident that the ward would fend off unwanted advances, it would do nothing if Harry welcomed them. She didn't know a ward to protect Harry from himself.

Slowly Harry made his way up to Divination, forcing himself not to look at a group of seven year boys cat-calling to him. He gulped as he felt their low, deep voices reverberate against his ears, making his skin tingle. It was so much easier to resist when Hermione was there with him.

Once up in the tower, Harry took a seat at an empty table and shifted uncomfortably in the warm, perfumed room. Soon he felt lethargic and giddy so when Seamus scooted in the seat beside him, Harry smiled sleepily, yet welcomingly.

Seamus only said a simple hello and then sat gazing at the raven-haired boy sitting next to him. Harry began to feel a bit overheated and loosened his tie and undid the top button of his shirt. Seamus scooted closer and Harry subconsciously did the same.

Glancing at Seamus, Harry noted how the sun refracted through the crystals hanging in the window, highlighting the Irish boy's sandy hair to an almost red color. Harry also noticed that Seamus had almost as many freckles as the Weasleys did. Almost as much as the twins, but not quite as much as Ron…

Seamus was running a hand up Harry's thigh under the table and the two boys' lips were a breath away from touching. Harry noted that Seamus' lips were quite chapped and not as smooth-looking as Ron's…

Ron. Harry snapped back as he thought of his best mate and his absence all day. it should be Ron sitting next to him, cracking stupid jokes about crystal balls and such, not Seamus. Harry didn't even utter an apology before standing up in such haste that he knocked over his chair. Doing his best to avoid looking at Seamus, he gathered his things and hurried over to a secluded corner. He sat down on a pouf, squeezing his eyes shut, hoping no one spoke to him. Just as Seamus was about to get up to follow him, Professor Trelawney emerged from her corner to begin class.

For the rest of class Harry placed all his concentration on the text they were working on and avoided looking at any of the other students. After class was over, Harry took off from the tower almost at Firebolt speed to his next class. Thankfully Defense Against the Dark Arts was the class of the day and Hermione was in it with him. He sat close by her throughout the class.

Since it was quiet reading time with Umbridge, the students took turns trying to fling love and lust notes to Harry. Hermione, having already read the text through twice, kept an eye out and was constantly flicking her wand subtly behind her back to deflect the flying pieces of parchment.

After class was over, Hermione rushed Harry out and to the common room, pushing him through the portrait hole and then sealing it with a charm to prevent anyone from entering. Harry sank into a chair, burying his face in his hands. Hermione stood in the center of the room for a moment, trying to think of the best way to approach the subject she knew she had to bring up.

Okay, first it was Ron. That was understandable. They were best mates, after all. And that whole thing with the Second Task in fourth year could very well lead anyone to believe there was something more to the boys friendship. So fine. Let them get it on so the story can be complete. But then Ron had to take his sweet old time, so Malfoy had to enter the picture. Of course, Harry would be hard pressed to not fall victim to Malfoy's predatory ways. And then the twins, since they were kin to Ron, looking a bit like him with the red hair and freckles and all, had to stick their noses in it. Being the great tricksters and sweet-talkers they were and with the help of their little potion, Harry hardly stood a chance.

That potion. She suspected that it was supposed to enhance Harry's "hidden" desires, but it must have also raised his pheromone level, which made all the other students go crazy after him. However, it still didn't make sense. Hermione had caught the pheromone scent from Harry, but it wasn't affecting her as it was the others. There most be something else on top of it that was causing most of Hogwarts to want to get in Harry's trousers. Or maybe there was just something about Harry that everyone seemed to want…

There was probably, (at least that was her hope), only one way out of this. And that was to go back to the first solution she had told Ron. Once Harry and Ron were together, the story could end and this whole mess would be over. Then they could go back to normal, where Ron secretly liked her and she secretly liked him until they both finally got a clue and Harry would eventually fall for Ginny and everyone else would stop going mental.

Taking a deep breath, she walked over to stand next to Harry's chair. This was going to take some finesse…

"Harry, look, I have something…well…I need…" Hermione bit her lip, not sure how to put what she had to say delicately enough so Harry understood and didn't think she was as mental as everyone else.

Nevertheless, her nervous pause was enough to frighten Harry. He stood up, stumbling away from the chair and her, his eyes wide. So much for finesse.

"Oh, bloody hell, Hermione! Not you too!" he moaned, raking his hand through his hair.

"What?" Hermione stared back at him in shock before collecting herself. "Oh! No, Harry, it's not…" She reached out a hand, but Harry jumped back from her.

"What the hell is going on around here? Why does everyone want me? Every single student…" Harry's voice trailed off for a moment. "Everyone but Ron." He kicked at the carpet. "Why doesn't Ron want me?"

"Harry, look, I think I might be able to explain…Wait. What did you say? You want Ron to want you?"

"Yes! I…I mean…No…I mean…Oh, bugger!" Harry took off up to the boys' dorm leaving Hermione standing there dumbfounded.

After a few moments, Hermione shook her head and took the charm off the portrait hole. Just as she as about to head out to find a very stubborn redhead, Ron lumbered through the hole, grumbling,

"A bunch of bloody prats, that's what they are…"

"Ronald Weasley! Where have you been all day?" Hermione demanded.

"I played sick today, if it's anything to you," Ron said casually, not even affected by Hermione's tone.

"Goddamnit Ron!" Now she had his attention. "It means everything to me! I don't want to be an old spinster witch with twelve gazillion familiars stinking up my shack! So we need to get out of this story! And the only way I know how is by telling you to buck up and go give Harry the shagging of his life before he's mauled to death by horny Hogwarts students!"

With that, she spun on her heel and banged out of the portrait hole. Ron stood there stunned for a moment before flopping down in a chair by the fire, throwing his head against the back and squeezing his eyes shut in frustration and confusion.

EVERY1EVERY1EVERY1

After running away from Hermione, Harry slowed his pace as he entered the dorm. He meant to just throw himself in his bed, draw the curtains and ward himself from everyone, but as he passed all the other boys' beds, Ron's bed caught his eye. He found himself gazing upon the mussed up sheets and pillows thrown askew and pictured Ron tangled up in those bed sheets, snoring soundly against his pillow.

Before Harry could stop himself, he was crawling into Ron's bed, grabbing up a pillow and burying his face in it, breathing in Ron's scent. He turned over on his back, still clutching the pillow near his face, feeling himself sink into the groove Ron's body made in the mattress from the last five years.

As Harry laid there wallowing in Ron's scent and almost feeling the redhead's presence, Harry found that his hand had begun to wander to the button of his trousers. Snapping out of the fantasy that was slowly forming in his mind, Harry quickly jumped out of the bed.

Shaking his head, Harry changed out of his school robes and into his weekend wear, leaving his feet bare. As he set his shoes next to the table between Ron and his beds, he noticed the Quidditch Through the Ages book stuffed under Ron's other pillow. Biting his lip, Harry gave in to temptation and pulled the book out and flopped back onto Ron's bed.

He could prevent himself from doing _some_ things, but he just needed to wallow in Ron's scent for a little while. The book should keep his mind off the jeans he conveniently forgot to snap up.

_**Almost there…One more chappie and an extra-special Epilogue to come…**_


	5. Best Mated, A Means to an End

_**Ch. 5**_

_**Best Mated, A Means to an End**_

Ron sat staring into the fire with his arms crossed in front of him for a long while. His mind tried to work over Hermione's exclamation, but his thoughts kept drifting to the pleasant dream he had while he slept underneath the tree by the lake that afternoon.

The common room began to fill with students all whispering excitedly to each other, but Ron was too lost in his own world to figure out what they were going on about. He sank back in his chair and tried to focus on the problem he desperately needed to solve.

Maybe Hermione was right and he should just be a man and confront Harry about his feelings. Ron shook his head to this idea. He just had to get over this! These were feelings he should not be having about Harry! They were running way out of control…

Soon the common room was very crowded and busy with students. The noise was too much for Ron to bear any longer, so he slid out of his chair and headed up the stairs to the dorm room. Ron stepped through the doorway and came to an abrupt halt at the sight before him.

Harry lay on his back on _Ron's_ bed, with _Ron's_ Quidditch Through the Ages book propped up on his chest, his fingers wrapped tightly around the edges. The gray tee-shirt he wore had gathered up a bit, revealing the creamy white skin of his stomach. The cut of his jeans was low, hugging his hips just below the waist in a loose fashion; the button looking like it was unsnapped for comfort. Smooth bare feet poked out from beneath the trouser cuffs, crossed primly at the ankles, toes wiggling.

Without thinking, Ron placed locking and silencing charms on the door. Then he took long, quiet but quick strides across to his bed, shedding himself of his robes and tie on the way. In a quick maneuver, he straddled Harry's hips, took the book out of his hands and tossed it on the floor.

"Ron! What the…" But Harry could not finish because Ron's wet, hot mouth was pressing against his own, his tongue searching frantically for Harry's. After the initial shock, Harry graciously slid his own tongue against Ron's, slowing the kiss down so they could each savor the other's taste.

Ron pushed Harry's shirt up further and stroked his chest down to the band of his jeans. Harry was left gasping for air as Ron abruptly pulled away and bent his head down to begin to kiss, lick and nibble the exposed flesh.

"Ron, I…" A low growl came from the back of the redhead's throat as he whipped his head up and covered Harry's traitorous mouth in a rough kiss. After a few moments when Ron felt Harry was not going to speak again, he pulled himself away and sat up.

Pointing his wand at the panting raven-haired boy, Ron uttered an incantation and suddenly Harry's clothes were gone. The freckled boy then turned the wand to himself and did the same spell before setting his wand next to Harry's glasses on the bedside table.

Looking down at Harry's naked body in satisfaction, Ron once again began his trail of kissing and licking down Harry's chest and stomach. Keeping up his ministrations, he kept his eyes trained to Harry's with a look that dared the dark-haired wizard to speak. However, Harry just closed his eyes and threw his head back, letting out soft sighs and low moans at the pleasurable feelings shooting through his veins.

When Ron ran his tongue up his inner thigh, Harry's eyes popped back open.

"Maybe we shouldn't…" Harry stammered, although he knew he didn't really want to stop now.

Again Ron growled and sat up to stare down at Harry. Harry opened his mouth to speak again, but Ron pressed his fingers to his friend's lips.

"Lately I've been thinking that you talk too much," Ron scolded. "Let's see if we can find a better use of that mouth besides talking." He shifted his position above Harry. "I'm going to show you how to perform my favorite number."

H/R/H/R/H/R/H/R/H/R

Meanwhile, there was a sudden hush in the common room as all the students looked at each other confused. The quiet was broken suddenly by Hermione jumping up and squealing,

"Thank the Lord! Now we can get out of this bloody story!"

The rest of the students' heads sagged in disappointment.

H/R/H/R/H/R/H/R/H/R

A while later, Harry was woken up by Ron's nudges.

"Come on, it's time for dinner. I don't know about you, but I'm starving!" Ron jumped out of the bed, leaving Harry cold on one side. Groaning, Harry turned over away from the redhead.

"I said let's go!" Ron ordered laying a smart slap on Harry's bum.

"Ow! Okay, okay!" Harry grumbled and pulled himself into a sitting position just as Ron threw his clothes at him. "Can't you just charm them back on for me?"

"I only taught myself how to remove them," Ron grinned wickedly. "Now get that hot little arse in gear before I have to smack it again."

Sighing, Harry turned to see that Ron was already dressed and standing near the door, his arms crossed and foot tapping impatiently. Harry shook his head and let out a giggle as he began to dress himself.

"You're almost as commanding as Malfoy," Harry said, tying his shoes.

"What?" Ron dropped his arms and balled his hands into fists.

Harry grimaced and focused on his shoe laces, realizing his mistake. "No…Nothing," he claimed quickly.

Ron said nothing, only glared at Harry as he finished tying up his shoes and sheepishly hurried over to the door. Ron pushed Harry not-so-playfully through the doorway and towards the stairs.

"Malfoy," Ron snarled to himself before following Harry down to dinner.

THEENDISNEARTHEENDISNEAR

For the most part, the students' lust for Harry had faded away. (There were a few that were still harboring confusing and potent affections for the dark-haired, emerald-eyed wizard, but that was to be expected.) So it seemed student life was settling back to normal.

Therefore, Hermione was completely frustrated and could not understand why the story hadn't ended yet. What she didn't know was that Harry and Ron had taken to sharing a bed every night and that the desire for each other had not died off after that first good romp.

Several weeks had gone by and Harry had been thoroughly distracted long enough. He woke one morning with a burning feeling in the pit of his stomach as an emotion he hadn't felt for a long while began to resurface. His eyes grew dark and his heart weighed heavy in his chest as he realized Ron had an early detention and wasn't next to him.

In the Great Hall students were assembling for breakfast. At the head table, Headmaster Dumbledore abruptly stopped his chuckling at Professor Flitwick's joke and sat up straight in his chair. Clearing his throat loudly to get all the hall's attention, he stood and began an impromptu speech.

"It seems our own young Mr. Potter has recalled his past afflictions of angst. Please raise your goblets to toast for the distractions Harry needs." He waved a hand carefully over his drink and then towards the other tables. A goblet of red-colored liquid appeared in front of all the students. A hushed murmur ran across the hall, but after a moment, the students took up their goblets and gulped the contents down.

"Ugh! Fruit punch! I hate fruit punch," Hermione said, setting her glass down without even taking a drink.

Just then, Harry entered the hall, scowling. All heads swiveled to look in his direction. All lips curled into a predatory grin. All eyes were glinting with hungry lust. Well, all except Hermione, who did not drink the 'spiked' fruit punch. She just groaned and muttered,

"Not again…" before getting up and pulling Harry away from the swarming mob.

Professor McGonagall looked over at the headmaster with a raised eyebrow, silently questioning the students strange behavior. Dumbledore shrugged and said with a sparkle in his eye,

"There's just something about Harry…"

_**Wait! It's not over yet! There's a fun Epilogue coming up next…**_


	6. Epilogue

_**Epilogue, **_

_**or…**_

_**What Goes Around, Comes Around…**_

Harry came down to the common room to find Hermione tapping furiously away at her laptop. He shook his head, not really surprised that a smart witch like her figured out a loophole in Hogwarts rules.

"Hermione, have you seen Ron?" Harry sat down in the chair next to her.

Continuing to type she answered, "Yeah, he took my Prefects patrols tonight."

"How much did you have to beg for him to switch with you?"

Hermione paused in her typing and frowned down at the keyboard. "Actually, I didn't ask to switch. He came to me and offered to take my place tonight."

"Really?"

"Really." She looked up at Harry thoughtfully. "Although I did find it difficult to believe he'd want tonight of all nights."

"Why?" Now Harry was frowning.

"Because Malfoy's patrolling, too."

Harry rocketed up out of his chair. "Bloody hell! He's going to kill him!"

"I think you underestimate Ron sometimes," Hermione tsked.

"No! I mean Ron's going to kill Malfoy!"

Hermione cocked her eyebrows at Harry. "Why would he do that? I know Malfoy's a stupid git but…" She noticed her friend's face turning a bright shade of red before he buried it in his hands. "Oh."

"We've got to do something! Quick, call 911!" Harry's voice came muffed behind his hands.

"Harry," the bushy-haired witch reached out and patted his arm. "I'm sure it'll be fine. There are other Prefects and the teachers are always haunting the halls along with the ghosts."

"But…" he peeked his eyes through his fingers to glance at her.

"Here, take your mind off it. Read this and tell me what you think." She tilted the laptop screen in Harry's direction.

Slowly Harry uncovered his face and dropped his arms to his sides. After a moment it looked like he was about to spout off again, but was quickly chastened by the stern look in Hermione's eyes. Sighing, he sank back down in his chair and moved the laptop so he could see the screen better.

"What is this?" he asked, peering at the screen.

"Well, all this talk about fan fiction made me decide to write one of my own," Hermione shrugged. "Come on, tell me what you think."

Harry began reading the screen blazing brightly before him.

"'_How I Became Mrs. Justin Timberlake_…'" Harry rolled his eyes and wrinkled his nose, "Merlin, Hermione, you couldn't pick anyone better?"

"What do you mean, better?" she asked huffily.

"You can't be serious about this guy…He was a Backstreet Boy," Harry pulled a face.

"No, he's not. He was in N'Sync. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with him…" Hermione tried to defend.

"Whatever. All those boy bands are the same anyway. Pathetic," he snorted.

Hermione's face went quite pink as she shook her head and glared at her friend. "Please just read it and tell me if it's at least written well."

Harry sighed heavily. "Okay, but if there's one word about a wardrobe malfunction, I'm stopping."

"Shut up, you prat," she hissed.

"But it's _Justin Timberlake_, Hermione."

"I said shut up. I have my vices and you, Mr. Potter, obviously have yours," she gave him a pointed look.

Harry just stared at her for a long moment then shrugged. He really couldn't argue with that.

FANFICTIONFUNFANFICTIONFANTASY

Draco Malfoy leaned casually against the wall in an empty and dimly lit corridor, studying his finger nails. Ron glared down the corridor, clenching his fists to his side before he stormed towards the blond boy.

"Malfoy!" Ron snarled darkly. "I've been looking for you!"

Malfoy turned to look at the redhead Gryffindor with a raised eyebrow. A sneer began to form on his face but was soon wiped away to a look of fear as Ron rushed at him. Before the blond had a chance to think, he was grabbed by the robes and thrust back against the wall.

"How dare you touch _My_ Harry!" Ron hissed into Malfoy's face.

"_Your_ Harry? I don't…" the Slytherin was cut off as he was thrust up against the wall again.

"Shut up!" Quickly the redhead glanced both ways in the corridor before he dragged the blond to the nearest door, opened it and pushed him roughly into the darkness.

Ron closed the door behind them and Malfoy had just enough time to register that they were in a broom cupboard before he was pressed against the wall and a tongue was shoved down his throat.

A fire began to spread through the blond from his lips to his toes, yet he struggled a bit to get away from the redhead. This only made Ron kiss him more forcefully. Malfoy couldn't bite back the moan that escaped into the other boy's hot mouth.

Finally after what seemed like hours, Ron released Malfoy's mouth but not before biting the Slytherin's bottom lip. Malfoy gasped as the redhead clamped his teeth on his neck and his robes were being tugged off.

"So do you like this?" Ron growled, snapping at the blonde's earlobe.

"Oh, Merlin, yes…yes…" There was a hard bite to his neck, "I mean no. No. Don't…Ever…" Malfoy gasped, his legs feeling weak. "Stop."

A deep growl came from the back of Ron's throat and Malfoy let out a low moan as his shirt was torn open, the buttons popping off and bouncing to the floor. Then his belt was unbuckled and was whipped out of its loops with such force that he staggered a bit off-balance.

With his hand on the button on Malfoy's trousers, Ron looked up at the blond Slytherin his blue eyes dark and malicious.

"I want to hear you beg, Malfoy."

Ron only had to ask him twice.

RWDMRWDMRWDMRWDM

Over an hour later, a panting, sweating and naked Malfoy slumped against the wall, his legs too weak to stand.

After making sure he was presentable, Ron turned to go.

"If I ever find out you've been bothering Harry again…" he threatened opened-endedly before slamming the door behind him, leaving Malfoy alone in the dark cupboard.

The blond Slytherin leaned against the cold wall trying to ease his breathing and his heart rate back to normal while at the same time trying to collect his thoughts enough to come up with a plan to get Harry alone again.

And to make sure the tall redhead Weasley found out about it.

FIN 

_**A/N: Well, that's it! Hope you all enjoyed it. Remember, it is meant to be a little weird, but in a funny way. Please be kind enough to leave a review, just to let me know if you liked it, hated it or whatever. I do welcome con crit, but not flames. **_


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